Posted by red on August 5th, 2009 in Loves Nuances

The heat makes my skin burst forth with sweat – perspiration in a thin sheet everywhere. My eyelids sweat; my hair steams.

Roi is lying beside me, similarly scorching. My hand darts out to touch his, and I feel our combined heat escalate into an inferno.

“I’m going to miss you.” I say, weakly, trying so hard not to start crying again. Not again, not again, not again…

He rolls over to face me, glittering as the starlight pouring in through the screen on the window shines up the sweat on his face. He pulls his hand from mine, despite the fact that I am gripping tight – everything is slippery – and he strokes my face and my hair.

“Me too.” He says, quietly, his voice cracking slightly. “Me too…”

I want to hold him tight, to bury my face in his chest and breathe in as much of him as I can. I want to overdose on him, to indulge in a gluttonous feast of just being with him. But I don’t, because it is just too hot.

His fingers trace along my skin, stroking my arm ever so lightly before he pulls me in for what would be a long, passionate kiss if it were not so sweltering.

“Lets try and get some sleep, it will be cooler in the morning, we can make love then.” He says, voicing the feelings I have been struggling with. It’s just too hot.

In the morning, of course, there is not going to be time for much of anything – we have to get going early. But I guess we both just pretend that’s not the case, anyways, because it’s the only way to make peace with the heat, and with the fact that time is running out, as time does.

I lie there, trying to find solace and slumber in the night’s stillness, but it all gets the best of me and tears start to slide down my cheeks, evaporating while they mix with the sweat laid before them. I keep my voice calm, grounded, and peaceful as I tell him good night, and he has no idea that I am shedding even more tears quietly beside him. It’s too hot to go to him for comfort. It’s too hot to let my body heave with sobs. It’s too hot to make him cry again as well. It’s too hot to let him worry about me.

It’s too hot for anything, except for staring, blankly, at the dark ceiling above, and wishing that none of this was really happening…